Humor and Satire: Weekly Calendar: 4/29 - 5/5

THURSDAY, 4/29
3 p.m. Tea. The Five Stages of Founder's Day, by the Backpage (oops! I mean, Humor & Satire!): Bourgie brunch with housemates. Mimosas for everyone! Making plans we'll totally forget to stick to! Exclamation marks galore! Rose Parlor.

8 p.m. Annual All-Night Reading of "Paradise Lost." Pre-game with bitter ale and barleywine and you'll be ready to par-tay like everyone's fave poet/polemicist. The Chapel.

10 p.m. The Complete Works of Shakespeare (Abridged!). Is it really the compl….abridged? Rocky 200.

FRIDAY, 4/30
11 a.m. "War, Peace, and the Struggle." Or, a fairly accurate description of the process of writing your media studies thesis that's due in an hour. College Center South Atrium.

3 p.m. Tea. Drink enough gin and tonic to allow your belligerent/Foucault-obsessed side to ask everyone around how we "constitute" drunkenness. Alternate this with enjoying the sunshine. Rose Parlor.
SATURDAY, 5/1
All Day. Founder's Day. If ever there were a day on which it would be beneficial to wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy, this would be it. Ballantine Field.

SUNDAY, 5/2
All Day. Recovery. I can just tell that your lab report due Monday is going to be of very high quality. Your dorm room/ Thompson Memorial Library.

MONDAY, 5/3
12 p.m. Paleontology Symposium. Finally! I've been waiting for this event for roughly 4.6 billion years! Ely Hall/Aula.

3 p.m. Tea. Eat 5+ hot dogs, drink 3 steins of Busch Light, then get on the rides and dance wildly on the grass. Vom.com. Rose Parlor.

9 p.m. Trivia Night. Question #23: Where did you leave your shoes on Founder's Day? The Mug.

TUESDAY, 5/4
3 p.m. Tea. Engage in drunken reconciliation with your ex-boyfriend/sophomore flame. ("Omygod, I so don't hate you either!") Spoon on the hill in each other's arms. Awww(k). Rose Parlor.

5 p.m. ViCEPOKalypse. Or, what would happen if wealthy hipsters took over the world. Ballantine Field.

8 p.m. Vastards Final Concert. It's my favorite time of year again: the time when I am forced to make up joke after joke about a slew of a capella events that are actually all the same. Taylor Hall 102.

10 p.m. Broadway a cappella Final Concert. VC is aliiiiiive with the sound of myooo-siiiiic! With songs BAM has suuuuuung, since its founding two years agooooo! See what I mean? Taylor Hall 102.

WEDNESDAY, 5/5
3 p.m. Tea. Five hour nap on Ballantine field. Wake up alone and without underwear. Rose Parlor.