The confused American’s guide to the World Cup

Perplexed by World Cup advertisement banners on Facebook? Bamboozled by your foreign friends' remarks about Lionel Messi?  Befuddled about why ESPN will be screwing around with their usual programming lineup this summer?  We at The Miscellany News sports section are here to help.  Here's a bare-bones, critical information-only, no-holds-barred primer for the 2010 World Cup.

Q: Can you explain, in 150 words or less, how this competition works?

A: In short, 31 teams plus the host nation are divided into eight groups (lettered A through H) for two stages of initial competition: The group stage, in which all four teams play each other once; and then the knockout stage, in which the top two teams (points are assigned for each win, loss or draw) from each group participate. At the knockout stage, the seeded teams basically operate in a familiar NCAA tournament-style playoff system, competing in one-off matches until a winner is decided.

Q: Sounds interesting, when is it?

A: The event kicks off on June 11, but the United States doesn't play its first game until the next day. The Championship match will be exactly one month later on July 11, in Johannesburg.

Q: Really? What happened last time?

A: In 2006, Italy triumphed over France in a tournament hosted by Germany.

Q: This seems like an odd idea in general, how did it start?

A: The first tournament was hosted by Uruguay in 1930, where the host nation emerged victorious. A total of 13 countries participated: seven from South America, four from Europe, and two from North America. Argentina was the runner-up in the debut tournament, while the United States made the semifinals.

Q: So, South Africa. That seems like an interesting choice for host nation.

A: It is, and plenty of folks remain skeptical of whether or not it was a wise call. The country is not exactly a soccer stronghold, and many doubted whether the infrastructure necessary to host such a massive event—safe roads, modernized stadiums, a ready security system—would be complete in time for competition. Hosting a World Cup isn't cheap: No one knows for sure what the ultimate bill will be, but most reports are putting expenses in the $3 billion range, although revenue that may be earned is not known at this time. South Africa is also not a nation known for its safety (Newsweek recently reported that 50 people a day are murdered in a country with a population about one-sixth the size of the United States), and ticket sales are reflecting a certain reluctance to put full faith in South Africa.

Q: Really? Ticket sales are down?

A: Way down. While officially 90 percent of the tickets have been sold, a lot of these have been bought up by agencies who are hoping to resell them to fans but have so far been unable to. According to a recent report in The Independent, while American and British fans have purchased about 190,000 tickets, the interest in continental Europe has been dampened, with football-obsessed Germany buying only 32,000 tickets so far. Only one of the 64 matches has been sold out. The chief of the World Cup Organizing Committee recently said that he is hopeful of seeing 300,000 foreign fans in South Africa, though current sales indicate there may be as few as 200,000 folks flying in.
 

Q: Who are the teams to beat?
 

A: Usual suspects Brazil, which has won the World Cup more than any other team and has never failed to appear in a World Cup tournament, is among the most favored. England is also looking good this year, having basically cruised their way to South Africa with nine wins and only one defeat through the qualification stage. If the Spanish team chooses to step up their game, as they did in winning the European Cup in 2008 (they've had some shaky moments the last few years, notably in their surprise loss to the United States in the Confederations Cup in 2009), they also stand a fair chance.
 

Q: Final verdict: Who's taking home the championship?
 

A: While popular opinion places Spain, Brazil and England in the category of Most Likely to Achieve World Cup Glory, Spain looks the best to a lot of knowledgeable parties. With the likes of Fernando Torres, Cesc Fabregas, David Villa, Xavi and Carlos Puyol gracing the lineup, a Spain that comes out firing on all cylinders might truly be an unstoppable force.
 

Q: Who are some other teams to watch?
 

A: The Cote d'Ivorie team probably has the best chance of any African team to do well in the competition, and Didier Drogba is always good for some theatrical moments. Argentina has some astounding players, most notably in FIFA World Player of the Year Lionel Messi, though their nutcase (if not legendary nutcase) manager Diego "Hand of God" Maradona could be their undoing (a man who tells journalists at a post-victory press conference that they can "suck it, and keep on sucking it" is probably a man you want to consider keeping on a tight leash). And call me insane, but I feel good about Serbia: They finished first in their qualifying group for the first time ever, emerging ahead of France, and they've got Nemanja Vidic and Branislav Ivanovic, who have both been looking tough. If the Serbs triumph, remember that I said this; if they fall apart, pretend this conversation never happened.
 

Q: So you've told me about the teams. What about the players?
 

A: I've already talked about reigning FIFA World Player of the Year, Messi, but he's hardly alone. Portugal's Christiano Ronaldo won the award in 2008, and finished second last year. Meanwhile Brazil's Kaká has also gained the attention of the world. Finally, as English fans look for their squad to claim international prominence once more, they will look to countryman Wayne Rooney to possibly lead them to the promised land.
 

Q: I still don't get it. What's the big deal?
 

A: While most Americans don't seem to have caught the soccer virus, the rest of the world cares about the World Cup, and deeply. With four years separating each tournament, there is little chance for international redemption for your team between World Cup years. Imagine if March Madness only happened twice a decade. Yeah. It's like that. And maybe you'll be interested to hear that the United States has put in a bid for the 2018 and 2022 World Cup; the last time the World Cup was held on American soil, in 1994, record-breaking attendance was reported and has not been exceeded since. So clearly plenty of people in the United States care about soccer—you just don't know any of them.
 

Q: Which is the more correct term: "football" or "soccer"?
 

A: It's largely a force of habit—if you learned to talk about the game outside of the United States, "football" is infinitely more appropriate. If you're a red-, white- and blue-blooded American, it's really all a matter of how pretentious you'd like to look.
 

Q: What about the United States?
 

A: On one hand, the United States enjoys a group with Slovenia (which admittedly defeated Russia in the playoffs but still probably has some growing to do) and Algeria (which I consider to be so worthless that my personal biases won't even allow me to write about it with any sort of integrity); on the other hand, there is England. Now, it has been done once before: In the 1950 World Cup, the U.S. side defeated England 1-0 in what has since been called the "miracle on grass" during the group stage. However, it is necessary to put an emphasis on the "miracle" part of that description as after that match, the United States failed to qualify for a World Cup for the next 40 years.
Though the squad won't be announced until May 12, we can expect to see U.S. stars Tim Howard (who has been getting some pretty okay reviews as Everton goalkeeper in England), captain Carlos Bocanegra (currently at Rennes in France) and Landon Donovan (currently at Los Angeles Galaxy), as well as Jozy Altidore (who was the first-ever American to score in La Liga while playing in Spain). Charlie Davies (currently at Sochaux in France) is still in recovery from a brutal October car crash, and Oguchi Onyewu (at AC Milan) is also out.
 

We can be hopeful for an American team advancing past group stage alongside England; beyond that point, the future remains a bit dimmer. Our greatest hope is the wealth of experience some of our boys have gained playing for foreign teams over the past several years; if we can implement what we've learned in Europe, we may just stand a fighting chance.