David Iselin

If you are reading this, you are probably bored and waiting for commencement to start. Or maybe you are bored in the middle of commencement. I understand and forgive you; it happens to the best of us. To help you pass the time, I going to tell you about my time as a Vassar College Tour Guide.

When I signed up to be a tour guide, I thought it would be a fun way to share my love for Vassar with others. Little did I know it would be that and more. Giving tours has made me a walking target for my friends' pranks and misplaced frustration. The conversations probably go like this: "Ooh there's David giving a tour. Let's embarrass him! I love watching him suffer and blush a crazy shade of red." And then they let the nonsense fly.

I have been mooned, heckled, and even abducted. There's nothing better for my focus than seeing a hairy, pale buttocks hanging out the Raymond window. There's nothing more ego inflating than being told that I was great last night. There's nothing more guilt inducing than a reminder that "you forgot to call me this morning, babe." And certainly there's nothing more enjoyable (horrifying) than being ambushed by three friends and carried away from my tour, while a fourth friend leads the tour towards ACDC and complains about the sucky food.The Residential Quad became a minefield.

If you think my friends are geniuses, you are wrong. If you think my friends are sadists, mazel tov. You are right. Truthfully, though, it's a combination of both. I love being harassed on my tours. It added some flavor and spontaneity. Don't get me wrong, I am awesome tour guide. People love David. But me droning on about student fellows and gender-neutral bathrooms is, believe it or not, not as illuminating as my friends' antics. They epitomize the Vassar student body; creative, funny, quirky, outgoing. They are what Vassar is all about. Their enthusiasm shows their complete and utter love for the school. In attacking me, they serve as a brilliant and accurate representation of the Vassar student body.

I hope this helped pass the time. If it didn't, I apologize. I'm an Economics major, not an English major. Before I finish and let you get back to checking the golf scores on your phone, (Dad) I must be sappy and thank my friends. Twenty years down the road, when I think of Vassar, I will remember you. You guys have made these past four years awesome. You made my Vassar experience. Through the ups and the downs, we've had tons of fun. I am a better person having met you all. So thank you again. And to those underclassmen reading this, please share the love and continue to heckle my fellow tour guides.

—David Iselin is the co-Chair of the 2011 All-School Gift.