150 Beers for 150 Years
What: Beer-themed day to celebrate Matthew Vassar's legacy as a brewer, featuring Vassar favorites like PBR, Blue Moon, and the ubiquitous-yet-dubious Natty Ice.
Reason for rejection: No existing Vassar-brand beer means too much expense, and potential lawsuits create too much of a financial risk for the college. The beer-pong tournament would be doomed from the beginning: Cappy went to Williams, and therefore has mad skillz.
Sexquicentennial
What: Squirm-sponsored event shining a light on Vassar's scandalous sexual history, from the erotic fanfiction of Edna St. Vincent Millay '17 to the downright pornographic lithographs in which the shoulders and ankles of Anna Blanchette Davis '71 (that's 1871) are depicted.
Reason for rejection: Event would be stilted, boring, and uncomfortable–much like sex in 1865.
A Night at Vassar
What: Companion event for the "Day at Vassar" in October, "Night at Vassar" would open the campus at night to the Poughkeepsie community to see how Vassar students spend their time outside of the classroom.
Reason for rejection: We spend our time outside of the classroom engaged in drunken debauchery. Inviting outsiders into the Mug would turn an anthropological lens on the proceedings that we as a community are unprepared to handle. PR fallout from the community realizing that all we do is get drunk and hook up with freshman would be devastating.*
Student Takeover of Main Building
What: In the name of revolution, modernity and civil rights! In the name of social freedom and political reform! ARE WE GONNA TAKE IT? NO, WE'RE NOT GONNA TAKE IT.
Reason for rejection: Done in 1969; passé; too much effort.
Euthenics Contest in Blodgett Hall
What: A triathlon of good living skills for Vassar men and women: baking, sewing, and ironing, judged on a scale from one to 10. First prize is a Bundt cake!
Reason for rejection: Outdated. Also, insulting. Also, "euthenics" sounds creepily like "eugenics." Yikes.
Vassar 150 Time Capsule
What: A time capsule of memorabilia and relics from Vassar's past and present, to be preserved until 2161, until the College's 300th birthday celebration.
Reason for rejection: A time capsule containing clothing is a veritable closet for the hipsters of the future; we refuse to fuel the cycle. Also, we couldn't find a capsule large enough to allow us to freeze college historian Betty Daniels ‘42 so that she can be revived in 150 years to fight the Terminator menace, so what's the point?
Seven Sisters Get-Together
What: A nice family lunch.
Reason for rejection: Why does the oldest sibling always have to plan family events? It's not fair.** Gatherings haven't been the same since Radcliffe passed away, anyway. And Barnard would insist on bringing Columbia, which is normally fine, but we get it girl, you're attached. If we have to be honest, the family started getting super-weird when we started admitting men. Getting everyone together is such a headache, and it always ends in an argument. Plus, Barnard is 24 years younger than we are, and standing next to her makes us feel old. Pass the cherry cordial.
* Wait, that's just me? Awkward.
** Okay, nitpickers, Mount Holyoke was founded in 1837 as a teaching seminary for women, but didn't receive its collegiate charter until 1888. Vassar was a college before they were, DEAL WITH IT EVERYONE.
–Michael Mestitz is a columnist for the Miscellany News and one of the student co-chairs for the sesquicentennial celebration.
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