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Humor & Satire | Weekly Calendar: 04/19-04/25

Humor & Satire Editor

Published: Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Updated: Wednesday, April 18, 2012 16:04

Thursday, 4/19

3 p.m. Tea. With one month to go: remaining items on this year’s Vassar bucket list. Rose Parlor.

8 p.m. “Into the Woods.” “You know, the woods, the ones by Sunset Lake where they keep all the drugs and the wolf people. We should go there sometime.” “No.” Shiva.

9 p.m. “Six Degrees of Separation.” Cappy -> Dean Roellke -> Dante (from the Inferno) -> Encyclopedia Brown -> Batman -> your freshmen year roommate. BOOM. Sanders Auditorium.

Friday, 4/20

3 p.m. Tea. If you’re a freshman: Have sex in the Library/ fourth floor of Rocky/ Sunset Lake/ really anywhere because all you crave is the touch and validation of another’s flesh. Rose Parlor.

Saturday, 4/21

12 p.m. I Won’t Grow Up Day. Breakfast for dinner! Dessert for breakfast! Handing in a “corrupted” file instead of your thesis when in reality it was due the day after Dollar Beer Night and you just couldn’t be fucked to write a conclusion! College Center.

7 p.m. Acapalooza. More like acapalosers, amirite? Just kidding I am one of them. And actually so I guess I’m not kidding. Taylor Auditorium.

Sunday, 4/22

12 p.m. Joss Beach Bash. No homo, but this is the best event any dorm puts on all year. Joss Beach.

4 p.m. Jewett Art Festival. Jealous much, Jewett? Jewett.

10 p.m. Challah for Hunger French Toast. I’ve never fully understood why they don’t just cut out the middle man and send the challah to the hungry people in the first place. But I guess that’s why they didn’t elect me president last year. Aula.

Monday, 4/23

3 p.m. Tea. If you’re a sophomore: Confess your undying love to the senior who’s been TAing your French class all year. Hide your tears when she openly laughs at the way you pronounce “mon petit croissant.” Rose Parlor.

Tuesday, 4/24

3 p.m. Tea. If you’re a junior: Sneak into BBBBQ without detection. Sip on watery drinks and make conversation with the people you came with until a Poughkeepsie local spills a tepid Bud Light down the back of your jorts. Rose Parlor.

5 p.m. Panel/ Discussion: The Freshman Writing Seminar. Topics include “Periods: 14 Pt. Font and You’re Golden” and “What We Talk About When We Talk About Complete and Utter Bullshitting.” Rocky 200.

Wednesday, 4/25

3 p.m. Tea. If you’re a senior: see below. Rose Parlor.

3:30 p.m. Convocation. JESUS GODDAMN CHRIST CONVOCATION HAS NO PLACE ON THIS CALENDAR JESUS BALLS THEY ALREADY SENT OUT THE SENIOR WEEK SCHEDULE I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT’S A THESIS WHAT’S A COVER LETTER WHAT’S ADULTHOOD SHUT IT DOWN. Chapel.

 

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